At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
