Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.