So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
