so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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