The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
