Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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