Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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