OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
