watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
