I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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