I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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