They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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