just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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