those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
