4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
