I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
