I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
