never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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