I'm going to jail i love you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All the doctor said was why
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
