That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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