Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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