I am puke
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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