Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have aggressive nipples.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
