he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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