you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
