so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
