yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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