I wish my penis had an off switch
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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