I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
