U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
