I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
