what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
