you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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