He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
