That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
