How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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