i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
