rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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