how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
