She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
