Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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