Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize