NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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