I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This baby is an asshole
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
