you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
