Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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