well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
