Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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