he wants to bone in the snuggie
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
