So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
