So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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