something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
