Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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