When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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