Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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