Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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