he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
