"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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