your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
