Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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