I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
