how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.