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vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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