I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.