I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
