The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
