when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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