Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
