I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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